Over the last couple of years I’ve had the immense fortune of speaking with over two hundred women about what they want most in life.

From Tokyo to London by way of Montreal and Paris, the most common “problem” I hear is: “I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life professionally and I’m scared of making the wrong decision.”

The thoughts ricocheting inside their brains sound like this:

• “What am I legitimately good at?”

• “What do I really want to do with my life?”

• “How can I be certain that I’ll make the right decision?”

• “What’s the perfect next step for me?”

You know what l've learned from speaking with and coaching women who share such similar thoughts and feelings about their future? 

The best way to find the answer to their “problem” isn’t to dig in it, pick it apart and dissect it. Nor to hold it up on a pedestal and cower at the heels of its powerful presence.

In fact, the best way to solve the “problem” is:

1) To politely ignore it.

2) To turn the lens on the thoughts about the “problem” instead.

Basically, you solve your “problem” by questioning the questions you use to find the answers. By thinking about your thinking, you develop new ways to think. 

We all assume that our thoughts are rigid and 100% real — like permanent black marker streaks on a pale wood table top. They are alarmingly true and NOT going anywhere. 

But that’s not the case: thoughts are as nimble and flexible as you allow them to be. And the key to changing them is to start thinking about them. 

This process, called metacognition, is about stepping back and doing an audit on your thoughts. What thoughts are moving you forward? What thoughts are keeping you stuck? What thoughts would you give up if you could? What do the people you admire most think? What would it be like to think those same things? If you were giving advice to someone you love who has the same “problem” as you, what would you tell them?

“It’s so tempting to dig into the problem, or dig into the details. What you want to do is get people to think about their thinking [instead],” explains Dr. David Rock, director of the NeuroLeadership Institute and author of the best-selling books 'Your Brain at Work', 'Quiet Leadership', and 'Coaching with the Brain in Mind.’

The goal is to increase insight, meaning realizations and connections that happen internally. AHA moments. Epiphanies. “Prises de consciences,” in French. 

Those moments when a ding goes off in your brain and you suddenly see the world in a totally different way.  Not because someone gave you the answer, but because a new connection was made inside your mind that flung open a whole new set of doors. 

“What we found is that coaching conversations with insight are dramatically more likely to create real change. You think of insight as just a moment where your brain really changes in a way that releases a lot of energy, you see things differently, ” says Rock who teaches leaders how to think better and problem solve more creatively using science-backed research.

There’s literally nothing like that warm, fuzzy feeling of knowing deep in your cells that you found the answer to what you were looking for, am I right?

So next time you’re stuck on a “problem,” politely put it aside and do an audit on your thoughts around the “problem” instead. 

PS. Click here to hear the full interview with Dr. Rock on the awesome podcast The Science of Success.