Neuroscience Nuggets #5: Emotional Guessing Game

Novak Djokovic, the world’s #1 men’s tennis player and potentially G.O.A.T, rarely shows emotion unless he’s smashing rackets, violently screaming, or accidentally hitting balls at line judges. (Honestly, I’m not a fan though I totally respect what an outstanding athlete he is.)

Yet on Sunday night, as he teetered on the imminent edge of unexpected defeat, the crowd at the US Open Final match rose to its feet to encourage him on, shouting his nickname "Nole, Nole, Nole" in unison. 


Novak smiled, waved to the crowd and then did something completely out of character: he showed he was a real human being. 

Peaking out from beneath his towel as he wiped the sweat from his face, viewers caught sight of a twisted, anguished mouth that looked like it walked off a Francis Bacon painting. 

It became suddenly clear that the typically stoic, unflappable super athlete was having a big, ugly, uncontrollable cry. 

And it was shockingly beautiful.
 

But what was it? What exact human emotion was Novak expressing?
 

• Was it joy from feeling the love and support of a hard-knocks crowd that usually jeers at him?

• Was it the dread of letting everyone down?

• Was it a release of the weight of expectation?

• Was it frustration and fear?

• Was it physical pain?

• Exhaustion?

The truth is that no one besides Novak could really know what the tears were about because, and here comes today’s neuroscience nugget: emotions aren’t uniform, universal reactions to life that have ready-made ways of showing up on our faces and in our bodies.


You can’t know what someone is feeling just by looking at them.

You may think that when you look at someone's face you can understand exactly how they feel. But in fact your brain is guessing, and it's using your own past experiences to make those guesses. 


We construct our own emotional experience, and our perception of others’s emotions, on the spot.

“Emotions are your brains’ best guess of how you should feel in the moment,” explains neuroscientist and author of How Emotions Are Made, Lisa Feldman Barret. 

They're your brain’s “creations” of what your bodily sensations mean in relation to what is going on around you in the world, and those “creations” are the sum of three distinctly subjective ingredients:

1. Your internal bodily cues (heart rate, muscle contraction, temperature, etc)

2. Your external surroundings (what you see, hear, smell, taste, touch)

3. Your past experiences (and how those past experiences compare to the present)

“Our emotion concepts vary widely from culture to culture. They come with a rich set of rules, all in the service of regulating your body budget or influencing someone else’s," says the founder of The Neuroscience School, Dr. Irena O’Brien. "That’s why we shouldn’t assume that we know how someone else is feeling from their facial expression or body language."

So what do Novak's mysterious tears have to do with you?

1. It’s easy to assume you know someone’s emotional state through observation, but you’re really just guessing through your own experiential lens. If you want to know what someone is truly feeling, you need to ask them.

2. Be it your boss, your spouse, your kids, your friends, you shouldn't assume that any one can correctly read the emotions you’re feeling either. Best way for them to know what you’re feeling is to go out on a limb and tell them. 

So, what emotion was Novak truly expressing on the courts? Click here to hear all about it from the "Joker" himself. 

5 must-listen podcast interviews that rocked my 2020

In 2020, the world came to me through the podcast portal. I was already a podcast fan, but starting in March during the first lockdown in France I slowly and steadily began racking up the "edutainment" to a solid 100/hrs per month. 

When I look through my archive of listened-to shows, I fly back in time to the exact moment my brain shifted a belief, gave me a new perspective on the future, or shined a mega-light on a part of reality I was trying to avoid.  

I don't know if that happens with everyone (maybe it happens with you, but there's just something about listening to podcasts that stamps ideas into my mind. 

So in honor of this wild year of discoveries and learnings, here is my list of the five most thought-shaping podcast interviews of the year (including a self-promo plug). 

April 20, 2020: "The Daily" The Next Year (or Two) of the Pandemic 

Michael Barbaro of the "The Daily" podcast was my "most-listened-to" person of the year. I just love this guy. He has this way of paraphrasing his guests' answers, offering their words back to them in concise little packages, that reminds me a lot of coaching. He's got a fantastic ear for detail that he uses to help his listeners grasp complex concepts by breaking them down into digestible bites, even when he's interviewing experts about some hard-to-swallow subjects, like basically everything he reported on this year! Of all of the episodes Barbaro did in 2020, my "favorite," was with the science and health reporter for The New York Times, Donald G. McNeil Jr. Back in April, McNeil gave a pretty bleak, but ultimately realistic portrait of our lives with Covid-19 for the next couple of years and introduced the concept of the "hammer and the dance." When I heard the episode, I was like, "Ok, this thing isn't going away for a while and we're going to have to learn to live with it."

June 30, 2020: "Unlocking Us" Brené Brown with Ibram X. Kendi on How to Be an Antiracist

Brené Brown's warm Texan drawl and one-of-a-kind laugh are hard to resist, but it's the way she questions her guests through the prism of her extensive research on shame, courage and vulnerability that makes her podcast "On Becoming" my go-to destination for knee-slapping HOLY SHIT conversations. Of all of the fantastic episodes she did last year, the most memorable and transformative for me was her interview with professor Ibram X. Kendi, the New York Times bestselling author of How to Be an Antiracist. After listening to their conversation in which Brown applied her shame lens to Kendi's teaching, I had a dozen uncomfortable aha-moments which led me to order his book and devour it over the next few weeks. Honestly, this conversation is gold. 

September 14, 2020: "The Happiness Lab" Happiness Lessons of The Ancients: Aristotle

"The Happiness Lab" is a fantastic podcast hosted by Yale professor Dr Laurie Santos, creator of the most successful course in the school's history: The Science of Well-Being. In this show she invites experts from different fields to debunk common myths about what makes us happy and offer alternative ways to achieving that esteemed state. This episode totally blew my mind because she invited her friend and colleague, Yale professor Tamar Gendler, an expert on Ancient Greece, to talk about Aristotle's amazing, and totally relevant well-being concepts from two thousand years ago. She opens with this kick-ass statement: "The idea that the most interesting answer to the question you're trying to ask would be given by someone living on earth with you right now is a real mistake. Sometimes the most interesting answer is something that someone gave two thousand years ago, or on a completely different continent, or in a completely different context." 

November 18, 2020: The Stories that Empower Us: A Conversation with Tara Brach and Elizabeth Lesser, Author of “Cassandra Speaks”

Tara Brach is a mentor to me even though she doesn't know it. Her book Radical Acceptance completely changed the way that I think about uncomfortable emotions and our resistance to them. I recommend her book to literally every person I coach and listen to her podcast, which is mostly live talks and meditations, regularly. That's why it was such a treat to hear her switch things up and interview one of her peers, co-founder of the Omega institute and author, Elizabeth Lesser. The conversation between these two brilliant women was so playful and insightful and you could tell they each adore one another. The two discussed Lesser's new book called Cassandra Speaks, which looks into how myths and popular stories have shaped the way we perceive women, even though they've mostly been written by men! Lesser advocates for women to redefine those roles and perceptions by writing and sharing their stories more. After listening to this episode, I immediately ordered her book and then decided to begin a series of interviews on Instagram with my clients so that they can share their transformation journeys, projects and epiphanies with others.


December 23, 2020: "The New Paris Podcast" On changes and transformations with Zeva Bellel

What an honor to wrap up a year of intense podcast listening by being featured on one of my absolutely favorite shows: "The New Paris Podcast" by Lindsey Tramuta. Lindsey and I met years ago when I was blogging about hidden Parisian addresses and she was just starting out as a travel and culture writer in Paris. She now has two fantastic books about Paris under her belt, The New Paris and The New Parisienne: The Women & Ideas Shaping Paris, as well as a brilliant podcast with an eclectic line-up of Paris-based guests. I was delighted to be invited onto her show to discuss my own journey coming to Paris, the chaotic early days of my career in France, the twists and turns that lead me to coaching, and French and American cultural differences in regards to career transformation.

If you have any podcast episodes that completely rocked your world in 2020 send me the links.

Sending you lots of love.

xxx
Zeva


PS.When you have a good 40-minutes free, I'd love for you to check in and listen to my conversation with Lindsey Tramuta on her podcast"The New Paris"and let me know what comes up for you.

PPS. Thanks for being on the other side of this screen this year. I'll see you next week with an announcement about a fun vision board workshop I'm co-hosting in January. Until then, have a fantastic holiday!