5 must-listen podcast interviews that rocked my 2020

In 2020, the world came to me through the podcast portal. I was already a podcast fan, but starting in March during the first lockdown in France I slowly and steadily began racking up the "edutainment" to a solid 100/hrs per month. 

When I look through my archive of listened-to shows, I fly back in time to the exact moment my brain shifted a belief, gave me a new perspective on the future, or shined a mega-light on a part of reality I was trying to avoid.  

I don't know if that happens with everyone (maybe it happens with you, but there's just something about listening to podcasts that stamps ideas into my mind. 

So in honor of this wild year of discoveries and learnings, here is my list of the five most thought-shaping podcast interviews of the year (including a self-promo plug). 

April 20, 2020: "The Daily" The Next Year (or Two) of the Pandemic 

Michael Barbaro of the "The Daily" podcast was my "most-listened-to" person of the year. I just love this guy. He has this way of paraphrasing his guests' answers, offering their words back to them in concise little packages, that reminds me a lot of coaching. He's got a fantastic ear for detail that he uses to help his listeners grasp complex concepts by breaking them down into digestible bites, even when he's interviewing experts about some hard-to-swallow subjects, like basically everything he reported on this year! Of all of the episodes Barbaro did in 2020, my "favorite," was with the science and health reporter for The New York Times, Donald G. McNeil Jr. Back in April, McNeil gave a pretty bleak, but ultimately realistic portrait of our lives with Covid-19 for the next couple of years and introduced the concept of the "hammer and the dance." When I heard the episode, I was like, "Ok, this thing isn't going away for a while and we're going to have to learn to live with it."

June 30, 2020: "Unlocking Us" Brené Brown with Ibram X. Kendi on How to Be an Antiracist

Brené Brown's warm Texan drawl and one-of-a-kind laugh are hard to resist, but it's the way she questions her guests through the prism of her extensive research on shame, courage and vulnerability that makes her podcast "On Becoming" my go-to destination for knee-slapping HOLY SHIT conversations. Of all of the fantastic episodes she did last year, the most memorable and transformative for me was her interview with professor Ibram X. Kendi, the New York Times bestselling author of How to Be an Antiracist. After listening to their conversation in which Brown applied her shame lens to Kendi's teaching, I had a dozen uncomfortable aha-moments which led me to order his book and devour it over the next few weeks. Honestly, this conversation is gold. 

September 14, 2020: "The Happiness Lab" Happiness Lessons of The Ancients: Aristotle

"The Happiness Lab" is a fantastic podcast hosted by Yale professor Dr Laurie Santos, creator of the most successful course in the school's history: The Science of Well-Being. In this show she invites experts from different fields to debunk common myths about what makes us happy and offer alternative ways to achieving that esteemed state. This episode totally blew my mind because she invited her friend and colleague, Yale professor Tamar Gendler, an expert on Ancient Greece, to talk about Aristotle's amazing, and totally relevant well-being concepts from two thousand years ago. She opens with this kick-ass statement: "The idea that the most interesting answer to the question you're trying to ask would be given by someone living on earth with you right now is a real mistake. Sometimes the most interesting answer is something that someone gave two thousand years ago, or on a completely different continent, or in a completely different context." 

November 18, 2020: The Stories that Empower Us: A Conversation with Tara Brach and Elizabeth Lesser, Author of “Cassandra Speaks”

Tara Brach is a mentor to me even though she doesn't know it. Her book Radical Acceptance completely changed the way that I think about uncomfortable emotions and our resistance to them. I recommend her book to literally every person I coach and listen to her podcast, which is mostly live talks and meditations, regularly. That's why it was such a treat to hear her switch things up and interview one of her peers, co-founder of the Omega institute and author, Elizabeth Lesser. The conversation between these two brilliant women was so playful and insightful and you could tell they each adore one another. The two discussed Lesser's new book called Cassandra Speaks, which looks into how myths and popular stories have shaped the way we perceive women, even though they've mostly been written by men! Lesser advocates for women to redefine those roles and perceptions by writing and sharing their stories more. After listening to this episode, I immediately ordered her book and then decided to begin a series of interviews on Instagram with my clients so that they can share their transformation journeys, projects and epiphanies with others.


December 23, 2020: "The New Paris Podcast" On changes and transformations with Zeva Bellel

What an honor to wrap up a year of intense podcast listening by being featured on one of my absolutely favorite shows: "The New Paris Podcast" by Lindsey Tramuta. Lindsey and I met years ago when I was blogging about hidden Parisian addresses and she was just starting out as a travel and culture writer in Paris. She now has two fantastic books about Paris under her belt, The New Paris and The New Parisienne: The Women & Ideas Shaping Paris, as well as a brilliant podcast with an eclectic line-up of Paris-based guests. I was delighted to be invited onto her show to discuss my own journey coming to Paris, the chaotic early days of my career in France, the twists and turns that lead me to coaching, and French and American cultural differences in regards to career transformation.

If you have any podcast episodes that completely rocked your world in 2020 send me the links.

Sending you lots of love.

xxx
Zeva


PS.When you have a good 40-minutes free, I'd love for you to check in and listen to my conversation with Lindsey Tramuta on her podcast"The New Paris"and let me know what comes up for you.

PPS. Thanks for being on the other side of this screen this year. I'll see you next week with an announcement about a fun vision board workshop I'm co-hosting in January. Until then, have a fantastic holiday!

Unmasking and overcoming imposter syndrome

I’ve got a serious-as-all-hell bone to pick. And it’s not about the man currently in the White House whose name makes my blood boil. 

I’m talking about another mother of all evil: Imposter syndrome. 

When I sense its presence I literally want to stand up, scream at the top of my lungs, and start throwing the contents of my bookshelf on the ground like a lunatic. 

Why? Because its presence hisses through the words of my clients telling me why they don’t have what it takes to go after what they want.

That whatever proof exists that they DO have what it takes— like experience, skills, passion, intuition, desire, creativity, energy, praise,, determination—NEVER add up to enough. 

It’s a classic battle of reality vs fantasy (which is a theme very much on trend considering the biggest imposter on the planet is currently using fantasy to lock in his power). 

Why does reality have such a hard time winning against fantasy? 

Why do women feel like imposters when there’s ample evidence they’re extremely (if not overly) qualified to level up, go after and defend what they care about?

You know that imposter syndrome is speaking when you hear sentences like:

“I won’t  be taken seriously.”

“My argument is going to fall apart .”

“I don’t have the vocabulary to be convincing.”

“There are so many things I don’t know well enough, they’re going to find out I’m a fraud.”

“I’m not credible enough.”

Those thoughts lack proof and wouldn’t necessarily hold up when put to the test. 

• How do you know you won’t be taken seriously?

• How do you know your argument is going to fall apart?

• How do you know you’re going to lose confidence and start scrambling?

• How do you know there are more eloquent speakers on that subject?

• How do you know you lack the vocabulary to be convincing?

Take your beliefs to trial and see what evidence there is to back them up. 

If some of them hold up, ok, that's cool, now what? 

• What do you need to build up your vocabulary, learn some technical jargon, feel more confidence about the subject you’re defending?

• Do you need to research the subject?

• Ask a specialist for their input?

• Practice getting your talking points in order?

In my opinion imposter syndrome is two forces working at once:

1. Strength devaluation. Because our strengths flow so naturally and show up with little effort, we have a tendency (especially as women) to undervalue our inherent skills and strengths. We take them for granted and think that everyone is just like us. 

2. Lack amplification. Because of our historic and cultural underrepresentation in leadership roles we believe that we don’t belong and won’t be taken seriously unless we know everything, have every skill, master every friggin possible situation and scenario. 

I feel like the antidote to imposter syndrome is to flesh out each bucket and get as granular and evidence-curious as you can.

• What are your “empirically proven” strengths? (If you don’t know, ask around!)

• How can you amplify them?

• What knowledge or skills are you missing that you know will really help you move the needle? 

• How can you cultivate them, delegate them, practice them?

• And what’s the next bravest move you can take to get the ball rolling?

Let me know how this message lands for you. 

More than ever I’m on a mission to make sure that women never bulk under the weight of unverified beliefs that keep them from their purpose and power. We just can’t afford that. Not today, not tomorrow. 

PS. I’m going to be doing an Instagram live on December 3rd 2020 at 12h30 CET with one of my clients, Christelle Tissot Grosset, founder of the new media platform Müsae. We’ll be talking about her journey unmasking and overcoming her imposter experience to move forward with her exciting new media project. Follow me over on Instagram to listen in.

Client Profile: Emilie Ghidalia goes from bookkeeper to biographer

“Have your clients really been able to shift gears and do something totally different with their lives? 

I frequently get asked this question during my discovery calls with potential clients and I absolutely love it because it oozes with equal parts fear, excitement and envy. 

“Oh, sweetie,” I think to myself, “Where do I begin?”

Should I talk about the fashion editor who became a fitness instructor? 

The global talent agency exec who became a wellness entrepreneur?

The marketing director who launched a sustainable retail communications agency?

The urban architect who became a weaver?

Or the civil servant who became a psychic healer?

Not all of my clients go all Lightning McQueen on me, slamming the brakes on their current career to twist the wheel in a completely different direction. 

But many of them do. And just for the record when they do veer it’s always a gradual transformation, never like waking up in the skin one morning of a completely different person.

There’s something about those transformation stories that’s miraculous and mesmerizing. Which is why I want to share the story of Emilie Ghidalia. 

Emilie came into my office several years ago excited to start coaching but was up front with me about her doubts. Deep down she was convinced that she was doomed to continue working as an accountant because she had no ideas about anything else she could do. Period. Nothing up there. No creativity. She was a worrier, a planner, not a dreamer.

In the rare moments when a baby idea did pop into her brain, a little pesky voice would snap to attention and leap 72 steps into the future. Telling her all of the reasons why her idea was disastrous, dangerous, risky. (She later named the voice N72, and drew him as a miniature concierge in a three-piece-suit and bow-tie). 

During our process examining and loosening the grip on those limiting beliefs and her relationship with N72, Emile waltzed into my office one day and announced that she had an idea and she knew it was the right one. 

She wanted to become a family biographer.

She has always loved to write, was fascinated by people’s stories and felt that everyone had the right to have their story told. 

So, in honor of sharing stories, please read this special interview with Emilie (en français) about her fascinating professional shift and her faithful (but less troublesome) side-kick N72.  

Interview with Emilie Ghidalia

Qu’est ce que tu fais comme métier et depuis combien de temps?

Aujourd’hui j’exerce deux professions. Mon « ancien » métier, Responsable Administratif et Financier dans une PME, mais que j’ai pimpé et mon nouveau métier. Je continue d’exercer cette profession, car actuellement c’est ce qui me permet de payer mon loyer, mais en free lance (vive la liberté !). En parallèle, depuis un peu plus d’un an, j’exerce le métier de biographe familiale. J’espère pouvoir basculer à temps plein vers ce travail d’écriture mais, pour le moment, cette double casquette me convient assez bien.

C’est quoi exactement une biographe familiale? 

Mon travail de biographe familiale consiste à recueillir la parole d’inconnus qui souhaitent laisser une trace de leur histoire. Pour eux-même. Pour leur famille. Parfois pour le public. Ensemble, nous co-écrivons l’histoire de leur vie.

C'est un virage assez radical de ton activité avant de commencer ton coaching? Quelles étapes clés t’ont amené vers ta nouvelle activité?

Le coaching tout entier a été l’étape clé ! Plus précisément, dans le coaching, ce qui m’a « débloquée » a été d’apprendre à croire qu’il y avait une solution (je pensais sincèrement que j’étais un cas désespéré, qu'il fallait que je me résigne à passer ma vie à exercer un métier qui ne me convenait plus) en laissant (autant que faire se peut) mes angoisses de côté, définir clairement les contours de mon métier « rêvé » en le dissociant de mon métier "fantasmé"  et comprendre qu’elles étaient mes compétences. J’avais une image différente de ce que je valais et de ce dont j’étais capable. 

Avant de commencer ton coaching est ce que tu connaissais déjà le métier du biographe? 

Je me suis rappelée après coup en avoir vaguement entendu parlé lors d’un micro reportage au JT, des années auparavant. L’info avait du rester dans un coin de ma tête.

Concrètement, comment cela se passes-t-il un projet de biographie? Quel est une journée type?

Le matin de préférence, je suis en entretien avec mes clients.tes. Les entretiens durent environ une heure, durant laquelle ils.elles me racontent un épisode de leur vie. Nous ajustons le texte au fur et à mesure aussi ce temps en face à face est complètement dédié à la parole.  Il est, je trouve, essentiel pour créer le lien avec celui.celle qui se confie. Ces moments sont toujours très intimes et touchants. On rit souvent et, à chaque fois, on peut sentir l’émotion du souvenir.  Ensuite, de retour chez moi, je mets en mots l’histoire que l’on vient de me confier. J’essaie d’être la plus fidèle possible au ton du narrateur, à son vocabulaire, à l’intention qu’il.elle met dans ce projet. Et j'ajoute ma patte. Quand le texte est, à mon sens, fini et avant la séance suivante, je l’envoie à mon.ma client.e afin qu’il soit relu et qu’on puisse y apporter les modifications nécessaires.

Si quelqu'un souhaite travailler avec toi sur son projet de biographie c’est quoi le budget et la durée ?

Le processus est assez simple. Je facture au temps réellement passé, 60 euros de l'heure, que ce soit le temps passé en entretien ou le temps passé en écriture, relecture, recherche, etc. Pour une heure d'entretien, il faut compter environ 2 à 3 heures d'écriture, en fonction de la quantité d'informations transmises pendant l'entretien. Ensuite le nombre d'entretiens varie en fonction de l'histoire à raconter mais je dirais qu'il faut environ une dizaine d'entretiens au total. Concernant la rédaction de contenus pour les marques, bien sûr c'est assez différent. Le tarif horaire est le même mais le volume change fortement. Je suis toujours ravie d'être contactée pour de nouveaux projets !

Qui sont tes clients.tes?

Mes clients.es ont finalement des profils assez différents. Je travaille bien sûr avec des personnes âgées qui veulent laisser une trace de leur histoire pour leurs enfants et leur petits enfants. Parfois, ce sont les enfants que me contactent, désireux de conserver l’histoire de leur parent. Je travaille également avec des personnes plus jeunes qui ont vécu un événement marquant dans leur vie et qui souhaite le poser sur papier. Pour elles-mêmes ou dans l’optique d’une publication. Enfin, je collabore parfois avec des entreprises que j’aide dans la rédaction de contenus relatifs à l’histoire de leur marque ou de leurs créations, pour leurs sites web notamment. 

Comment la vie d’une biographe est différente de ce que tu avais imaginé en commençant ton activité? 

Je pensais travailler exclusivement avec des personnes âgées. J’ai été très surprise d’être souvent contactée par des gens de mon âge. Egalement, j’avais complètement occulté la possibilité de travailler avec des entreprises.

Au début du coaching tu pensais que tu n'étais pas assez créative pour envisager un métier qui te faisait vibrer. Comment cette pensée a évolué depuis?

Je pense toujours manquer de créativité mais je laisse d’avantage de chance à mes idées avant de considérer qu’elles sont toutes nulles. Parfois même, je les trouve plutôt bonnes.

Quels sont tes plus grands objectifs pour la suite?

Mon objectif principal est de basculer à temps plein vers l’écriture, réussir à faire publier le beau projet de roman sur lequel je travaille avec une cliente et puis, peut-être qu’ensuite je me sentirai capable d’écrire pour moi-même.

De quoi as tu besoin pour avancer?

Un peu plus de clients et un peu plus de courage, pour basculer totalement vers le métier d’écriture, je ne sais pas dans quel ordre…

Tu as terminé ton coaching il y a déjà plus d'un ans. Avec du recul et du temps, qu'est ce que tu te retiens le plus maintenant de ton expérience?

Ce coaching a littéralement changé ma vie. Ce que j’en retiens c’est d’oser croire que les choses sont possibles et se faire accompagner lorsqu’on ne trouve pas la solution par soi-même.

Bonus question: comment va N72?

Hahahaha ! N72 va très bien. Maintenant qu’il n’est plus mon ennemi mais un allié dont je connais les défauts et les qualités, nous cohabitons assez bien (la plupart du temps). Finalement, ce coaching a aussi été une vraie thérapie de couple entre mon angoisse et moi-même :)

Pour contacter Emilie pour un projet de biographie visitez son site: https://emilieghidalia.com/

Et pour trouver le métier de votre rêve contacter moi ici:

Reinvent your new normal

The men were chanting and swaying together while the women locked arms in a festive traditional dance. 


In the middle of the elaborate wedding scene in the fabulous new Netflix mini-series Unorthodox, I lost track of the story. All I could see were human bodies. 

Healthy living bodies. 

Lots of them in the same room.

Celebrating together. 

Moving together. 

Sweating together. 

Breathing in the same air. 

My eyes welled up with this thought: “When will people be able to get together like this again?”

As the initial stress and adrenaline of the first weeks of confinement subside, something else is happening: collective grief is giving way to aching acceptance a renewed sense of meaning. (this article explains the process brilliantly).

As a new reality sets in we’re learning to define and appreciate what matters most to us. 

When you peel back the layers of life as we’ve all been forced to do these last two weeks, suddenly you see with sharp clarity what counts most:

• My friend told me through tears the other day that she realizes how much she loves her life and how scary it is to think it could be taken from her.

• One client told me that she’s no longer willing to suffer at her job and is finally ready to leave it after15 years.

• And my son shocked us the other night at dinner claiming to love school because “each day feels different.” 

This period, while surreal and scary as hell, is also like a vinaigrette that’s been made hours before the guests arrive— the oil and acid have pulled away from each other into distinctly visible parts. 

So I have an idea for you, friend, what if instead of trying to quickly whip that vinaigrette up into a frothy homogenous dressing, you let it sit and separate some more to see what those parts look like? 

I’ve created new exercise called Reinvent Your New Normal that helps you do just that—see what matters most to you so that you can invent alternative ways to nurture those things (even in confinement) and roll into the post-confinement world with a clearer vision, and stronger tools, for moving forward with meaning.

Click here to get the free exercise sent to your inbox.

Be sure to email me (zeva@zevabellel.com) after you've completed the exercise so that I can give you some feedback and help you along your way. 

I hope that you and your loved ones are safe and in good heath. 

Trying to get a grip on this new reality of ours? I've got you covered with my brand new worksheet Reinvent Your New Normal. You can get the free worksheet  sent to you by clicking here. Feel free to share this post. It could be a great exercise to do with friends and loved ones in order to feel close and connected even at a  distance.

Are you wildly growing or overly-designing your professional path?

My biggest adolescent annoyance was my mom’s unshakable trust in me. 

While my friends were pushed into engineering programs or into schools where their siblings went, my mom would say “Why should I tell you what to do when you always make great decisions on your own?”

Arggh!!! That drove me nuts! I wanted someone to GIVE ME THE ANSWER. To become a doctor or lawyer or dancer or writer or whatever. Just tell me!

The most advice she would offer was: “Zeva, just be an interesting person.” 

I couldn’t help laughing about my mom’s wisdom while listening to the developmental psychologist Alison Gopnik recently on the podcast On Being. 

Gopnik explains how “parenting” became a verb in the 1970s, and how over time parents have become more and more hands-on, helicoptering over their kids, bulldozing problems out of the way in order to architect lives to match a preconceived model of perfection. (If you need proof, have a look at the 50 people charged in the college admissions bribery scandal)

She calls this type of parenting “carpentering” mode, and thinks it’s a terrible invention. 

By trying to eliminate all risks and failures and control the outcome like a carpenter, smoothing and sanding the sides of a bookshelf, we wind up raising dependent, terrified humans who are ill-equipped for the evolving challenges of the world

Gopnik advocates for a different parenting model: the “gardening” variety. Instead of focusing on creating the perfect person, you focus on creating a loving, nurturing space where experimentation and discovery can thrive so that a diverse and resilient ecosystem emerges. She explains:

“Love’s purpose is not to shape our beloved’s destiny, but to help them shape their own. It isn’t to show them the way, but to help them find a path for themselves, even if the path they take isn’t one we would choose ourselves, or even one we would choose for them."

This all made me think not only about my childhood and the wild gardening my mom did with me, but also how these models apply to the self-discovery work we do when trying to get clear on our next professional path. 

Do we measure and predict what's going to happen with a specific image of perfection in mind, or do we sow our seeds in a loving environment and see how they can grow in unpredictably beautiful ways?
 

Whether or not you have kids, you were a kid, so what was the environment like for you?

Were you raised like a carpenter’s child or a gardener’s child?

More importantly how are you growing your life today? 

Are you creating a nurturing space for experimentation, discovery and variety?  Or are you measuring, chiseling, and sanding your angles down to a precise science? 

Let me know what comes up!

PS. My mom still never tells me what to do, but now I like it that way.! 

PPS. In my upcoming group online coaching program I’m slathering on some sunscreen, getting out my rubber boots, and heading into to garden to plant a lot of self-discovery seeds to see which ones spark your path forward. If you’d like to learn more about it, book a call with me here:



Override the panic button

I was in bed with an elephant on my chest. It wasn't the first time I felt that kind of pain. It had been going on for a few days. Should I tell my husband about it? Or was it all in my head? 

My father-in-law had passed away a year prior from a sudden heart attack. He had had pain in his stomach for a few days that were the early signs that something was wrong. He didn't catch them fast enough. 

Was I doing the same? Was I having a silent heart attack?

I caved in and told my husband who calmly said it was probably nothing but that I should get it checked out. 

It was cold in my doctor's office. I kept my winter coat on in the waiting room as I scrolled mindlessly on my phone. 

It was early January 2018, and I had just tipped into the second and final year of my unemployment benefits. In one year I'd be 100% on my own. 

The date loomed in my mind. "Was I making the right decision to become a coach?" "Could I survive financially?" "Would I be any good at it?" 'Should I just go back to marketing?" "Should I answer some ads on LinkedIn?" "What if this is all a big waste of time and I lose these precious months of benefits to get a full time job?"

My doctor asked what was going on. I told him about the pain in my chest and that I was a bit stressed out because I had a tipped into the final year of unemployment while I transitioned to a new career and was spending my days in cafés drinking a million coffees while I built my coaching website. 

He examined me and then said, "You're not having a heart attack. Just stop drinking so much coffee and go back to your full-time job if you don't want the stress of owning your own business. It's hard." 

And that was that! 

I listened to just half of his advice. Can you guess which half, Zeva?

I was reminded of this story this week when a client had that deep, heavy feeling in her chest the day after she announced her new business to her contacts, and was debating whether to throw in the towel and go back to her old line of work.

I think she and I both experienced the "point of no return" panic button that our brains hit when they feel us tilting into a truly new territory. As you sink deeper and deeper in love with your new path, your brain starts freaking out like an old boyfriend trying to woo you back. 

"But wait, it wasn't all that bad, right?"
"You've had some time to relax and take a break, isn't it time just go back to what you know?"
"Play it safe."
"The unknown is scary and hard. Beware!"

All it takes is a sharp-witted doctor, a worried parent or a friend with a fab new promotion, to cue your brain to strum up its favorite fear-mongering phrases. 

I'm here to say: don't let your fears lead you off your path! Listen to them, welcome them, but explore what's really going on under the surface.

What do you really need right now? 

Very often you're just looking for a concrete sign that you are moving in the right direction, and need a friendly reminder to ease off the caffeine!

Define your timeframe

It was 1999 and I was sitting opposite my therapist, Yael, worrying about what to do with the lease on my 4th-floor walk-up apartment above a Pet Store in Brooklyn.

Even though it smelled like fish food and wet dog every time I walked through the building, my apartment was conveniently located and affordable enough for New York. 
 

Should I extend the lease, and risk staying put for another year, or break it and go who knows where?

Beggars can't be choosers, I thought, but every ounce of my body wanted OUT OF THERE— not just the apartment but NYC all together.
 

I had until the end of the month to figure it all out. 

Then my therapist Yael dropped one of her golden reality bombs into the room: “Zeva, contracts can be broken and calendars can be adapted. There’s only one situation that has a non-negotiable timeframe—pregnancy!” 

BAM! Message received loud and clear.


I walked out of that session with a new lease on life (pun intended).


For the life of me I can’t remember if I extended the lease or not, but once that deadline became a non-issue, my mind lead me to a whole new sea of options (which eventually got me on a plane to Paris).

 

Why am I bringing this up?

Because as the end of the year approaches, we all try to rush to the finish line, jump over hurdles and past milestones to “make it” to the end of the year with all of our goals checked off in a row. 

As if deep personal growth can be squeezed out like the last blobs of toothpaste hiding at the bottom of the tube.

That’s just not how growth works. You can't force it. You can’t cram it it. You can’t expect that by the stroke of midnight on December 31st everything will suddenly be exactly as you want it to be. 

Calendars help us track seasons and collaborate with the rest of the world in an organized fashion. But they are not indicators of where we have to be in our lives. 

You don’t have to start a new job on Jan 1st. 

You don’t have to quit your job before you go on vacation. 

You don’t have to share your vague business ideas with your cousins over your holiday dinner. 

You don’t have to know with 100% certainty what your next career move is going to be when, over smoked salmon canapés, uncle Jean asks you what you've been doing with all of your free time since you left your last job. 

Think of Yael and my stinky old apartment when you feel the weight of the clock (and your loved ones, bless their well-meaning hearts). 
 

Every timetable is flexible, except one, so release the stress of competing with time, and yourself, and move at your own rhythm. 

You've got this!

Photo by Malvestida Magazine on Unsplash

Moving forward despite the fog

We were 20 minutes into our hike in the mountains and my brother-in-law was on his second lesson on how to use a compass. He was speaking to my son but I was listening in slyly to see whether I could answer any of his questions correctly. 

He described a hypothetical scenario. "What do you do when you're hiking in the mountains and you can't see past your feet because the fog is so thick."

My son said: "You stop and wait." 
Thierry answered: "That's an option, yes..."
Then I added, half jokingly: "You don't go on the hike in the first place."
Thierry laughed: "But what happens if the fog comes in unexpectedly?"
My answer: "You panic and cry!"

I can't remember what Thierry said after that and I've just sent him a text to try to find out (cliffhanger, alert!)

Why? Because my mind started racing.

Thierry's Survivor/Koh Lanta quiz was a great metaphor for what my clients experience before beginning our work together: they're in a panic because they're in a thick fog professionally and the longer they wait for the fog to clear up, the heavier, darker and scarier it seems to get.

They can't run back to the car (turning back the clock is out of the question) and they're desperate to find that crystal-clear mountain range up ahead in the distance where a picnic rock awaits their tired tush.  

So what do you do when you can't see your path clearly but you have to move forward?

Do you wait for the fog to clear?
What if it just gets thicker? 
How long do you wait?
Can you find a point somewhere, anywhere, that can help you move ahead?
Maybe its the sound of a river nearby.
Or a light source.
Or maybe if you calm down and listen to your heart, there's a North Star that you can set your compass to now?
So that you can take another step ahead.
And another. 
And another.

Just remember: the entire path doesn't have to be crystal clear for you to feel your way towards your destination. 

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Self-love summer roadtrip

What if this summer became your self-loving springboard to the rest of the year? A map to your emerging tastes and desires that you can unpack once the pace picks up again in the Fall.

Summer is a prolonged, precious break from reality. A time when routines change. When everything slows down. When you give new things a try. Reconnect with friends and family. Hike, swim, drink litres of rosé. 

But how many times has summer’s special glow been zapped away your first day back home? 

What if this year you decided to freeze-frame summer’s most essential parts and use this season to truly get to know yourself?

Since the stakes are low and the pace is slow, summer is the ideal time to dissect your daily decisions to see who or what’s driving your everyday moves. 

Who’s really calling the shots?

Is it the “true” you? 

Is it what you think people expect of you?

Is it what your family wants? 

Is it what you think looks great on Instagram?

Start practicing your decision-making skills on decisions that don’t matter much.

The best way to build muscle for those big decisions down the road (e.g. changing careers, starting a business, going back to school) is to start getting familiar with the real you.

The one that isn’t performing for others. The one that isn’t searching for recognition. The one that isn’t taking care of everyone else or living up to other people’s expectations. 

The best time to find that person is when the stakes are low. When the biggest decision on the line is what ice cream to order (not to say that ice cream isn’t a serious matter!).

So if you want to try out some new sensations and get to know yourself better join me on this Self-Love Summer Road Trip 2019.