Using Your Full Frame

Adults are amazing at respecting limits that don’t really exist. 

And kids are amazing at disrespecting limits that do really exist. 

Cries, tantrums, arguments, flattery, debate, negotiation. There’s no shame to their game. 

They’ll use whatever they’ve got to see how a limit can be toppled, overturned and redesigned. 

As we get older, though, and move along in life we adapt to the limits that the world throws back at us. 

Conditioning, rules, beliefs — all of these boundaries become a part of the way we perceive the world and operate within it. 

But as our habits and expectations become more and more entrenched, we start seeing limits where they don’t exist, eventually boxing ourselves into tighter and tighter spaces. 

The truth, though, is that what’s not explicitly forbidden, is technically allowed. 

Until you prove you can’t do it, then you technically can. 

There are a zillion ways that you can play around with this logic:

• If you don’t ask for the raise, then how do you know if you can have one?

• If you don’t ask for an extension, then how do you know if the timeframe is flexible?

• If you don’t ask for feedback, then how do you know what people are thinking?

• If you don’t empower your team, then how do you know what they’re capable of?

• If you don’t start, then how do you know if you can continue?

In day-to-day conversation this comes out as: 

“Oh no, I just couldn’t ask her to recommend me for that position.”

“No one would ever want to read the stuff that I write.”

“I could never earn money selling my artwork.”

“There’s no way in hell that my boss would let me take the afternoons off on Wednesday.” 

During my discovery calls with clients I ask a question that tends to stir the pot:

“What have you already put in place to move your goal forward? 

There’s always a long pause on the other line, and then a voice that starts to list concrete actions that have been tested, or, at times, a voice that says "nothing yet."  

Those answers help you see just how far you've stretched your frame to get what you want, and where you've encountered external or internal friction along the way. 

Why is this important as a first step in moving a goal forward? 

We can become so fixated on what we’re incapable of doing, or why something wouldn’t work out, that we forget to take a stab at it. 

We feel boxed in by boundaries that haven’t been really been tested.

So tell me, if you could throw a tantrum to get what you want:

• What would that be?
   

• How is that important to you?
   

• And what limits do you need to test to get it?

Get into your growth groove

It was the official rentrée, the first chaotic day of reality after a long summer break. 

We were walking among perfectly-coiffed kids with their new backpacks and outfits on their way to school when I glanced over and saw my toddler hobbling along with his heels hovering in the air. 

“Shit!” I said to my husband. “We forgot to get him new shoes.”

My son was so obsessed with his red suede Adidas we conveniently overlooked him busting out of them. 

Next day at the shoe store, we embarrassing learned he had grown, not one, but two shoe sizes! Needless to say when he put his new sneakers (Adidas, again!) he was reborn.

Ripping his beloved pacifier out of his mouth big-boy style, he started running — down the ailes, down the street, to the park, around the park. Tirelessly, enthusiastically, like he had a new set of Duracell batteries on full blast.  

It was a total and immediate energy upgrade. 

As a kid, things like new shoes are empowering evidence of your growth. Your potential. Your energy. Your strength. 

But what happens as an adult? When the changes in your body no longer signal empowering growth? What other signs define it?

Since la rentrée kicked off there’s been a common theme among the people I’ve met with. 

Growth. And the desire for more of it day-to-day. 

As a coach, when I hear someone talk about big concepts like "growth" my next move is to dig in and investigate just what it means: 

• How do you know when you’re growing? 

• What do you need to grow?

• What does it look like? 

• What does it feel like?

• What does it allow you to do?

To one woman I spoke with it means working transversally across different formats and departments and having the freedom to innovate and bring value in her own unique way.

To another it means transforming theoretical concepts into tangible actions and making a concrete impact in the word.

To another it means going super deep and developing her skills and proficiency in a specific field. 

Here’s what’s important to remember about the growth groove: it’s not a one-size-fits all concept. 

It means something different to us all. 

But it is a mindset that needs nurturing if you want to feel alive. 

Without growth, you wind up feeling dullness, stagnation, inaction, sluggishness. 

The very feelings that make you want to curl up and call in sick for a few days, or even a few weeks. 

In France insurance companies and the government are freaking the hell out. Since the beginning of 2018 there’s been a 6% increase in medical leave payments. 

The cause? No one can say for sure, but the government thinks employees are feeling more and more stressed out and crappy at work and they want companies to do something to fix that (or start paying the bills).  

Growth isn’t a blanket panacea. I'm not suggesting that it's the end-all solution to a suffering system. 

But I do believe that companies should spend more time observing and asking questions about the type of growth that each employee craves. 

It’s likely not what they think it means to their employees (moving up the ladder, getting more vacation time, or a bigger salary). It could be a lot simpler than that. 

My suggestion?

If you’re a manager and are struggling with team burn-out: 
Get to know the growth needs of each person on your team. Spend quality time on this. Look for concrete examples. Observe trends. In what context does your employee thrive? When do they limp around like a toddler in tight shoes? 

If you are thinking about making a professional change because you’re not growing:
Get crystal clear on what growth means, looks and feels like to you in your quest for self-realization. 

So tell me dear reader, what’s your new pair of Adidas like? How do they look? What do they feel like? And what do they allow you to do?  Leave a comment below or send an email to: zeva@zevabellel.com

Death to perfection and the rise of the real

When I started learning about values I discovered “authenticity” was a bad mama jama value for me. 

When I meet someone I don’t want the glossy, airbrushed, everything is “GREAT!” version of life, I want it real and raw. I want the cracks in the pavement. The frays around the edges. 
 

The moment someone drops the mask and lets you in — there’s nothing else like it. 

Knowing that they trust you with their fears, doubts, or fantasies (of wanting to slowly roll out of a moving car to escape kids screaming in the back, for example). That’s the real deal. That’s connection. That’s the juicy stuff that makes life worth living. 
 

Everything else is like a canned laugh track from an 80s sitcom. You can sniff that fake nonsense from a mile away but after a while you become totally numb to it. 
 

Today, we’re so inundated with filtered, curated perfection that when someone shares authentically it explodes through the white noise of blah-ness, gives you a rush of adrenaline, and then immediately makes you feel less weird.  

If we let our masks down and started sharing more authentically it would do the world a whole lot of great. 

It would make friendships better. 

It would make marriages better. 

It would make leaders better. 

It would make businesses better.

Don't just take my word for it, though. Here are some thoughts on authenticity from some pretty awesome women leaders. 

Patty McCord, former Chief of Talent at Netflix, on Girl Boss Radio podcast "Company Culture Expert, Author and Former Chief Talent Officer of Netflix" May 9 2018

"So the most important thing to be is authentic. If you’re wandering the floor and you don’t really like people and you’re wandering the floor to see who’s fucking up. Then that’s not going to work so well for you. If you’re the person that has better conversations 1:1 and you like getting more deeply into it, then have a bunch of skip-level meetings. You might want to have a different methodology about it. What’s really important is that you are who you say you are.”

Tina Müller, CEO of Douglas, from the article “Is there still room for authenticity in our professional lives?” published July 20, 2018 on LinkedIn

“Authentic people are brave enough to question the status quo! It’s about seeing things from a very personal perspective, as well as from new perspectives and standpoints, and reasoning with enthusiasm and credibility. That’s how things change – and ultimately move forward. Conventions and shared values give a team or a business a form of consensus, a framework, and behavioural regulation. However, I realised very early on in my career that without authenticity we become like mice on a wheel. A business cannot be successful unless both pillars – convention and authenticity – are supporting it.”

Marie Forleo, on Amy Porterfield’s podcast "How to 10X Your Results in 2018 (and Beyond) with 3 Dead Simple Strategies" Feb 18, 2018

“You have no idea the level of relief that people will feel and the level of connection they start to associate with you when you show them different sides of yourself. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable. When you let them see the real you, all of you. And you dismiss this notion of trying to be perfect….I don’t care what business that you’re in. People want to do business with another human that they can relate to. Someone who shows them all of who they are. The ups, the downs, the lefts, the rights, the good, the bad, people want all of you and don’t be afraid to share it.” 

Exercise: Increase your authenticity in 6 easy steps

1. In one sentence, what does “authentic” mean to you?
2. When and where and with whom are you the most authentic?
3. How does that authenticity make you feel?
4. What does it allow you do to?
5. Where else in your world would you like to be more authentic?
6. What impact would that have on you and on others? 

I’d love to help you get more in touch with your wild, authentic side.

So comment below with your responses or email me at zeva@zevabellel.com

5 Leadership Learnings From Didier Deschamps

My favorite moment after France won the World Cup was watching the team hoist their impeccably-dressed coach Didier Deschamps up in the air while squirting him relentlessly in the face with their squeeze-water bottles. 

If that’s not leadership love, I don’t know what is. 

As a career and leadership coach, I kept my eye focused on Didier Deschamps (and Giroud and Griezmann, but for other reasons) during the entire World Cup. 

I binged on press conferences and opinion pieces, trying to piece the puzzle together of how he gets his team to perform so well while making it all look so damn easy.  I’ve became fascinated by his leadership. His calm. His serenity. His determination. His focus. His humility. 

So in honor of Deschamps, I've Developed this guide to the five 5 leadership traits that make him stand out for managers who want to raise their game: 

Five Champion Leadership Traits

1. Trust

When Deschamps announced the 23 players he was taking to Russia, there were some big names missing. Notably PSG player Adrien Rabiot who everyone (especially Rabiot) expected would make the list. Rumors swirled around why. Was it his partying habit? His lackluster performance at the previous games? His diva attitude? What did him it? Who knows for sure. But it wasn’t the first time that Deschamps sidestepped a popular player. Karim Benzema, one of France’s best attackers, also got snubbed. A few years ago Benzema was accused of blackmailing a teammate over a leaked sex-tape. What’s the common link between the two? In my opinion? It's trust.Trust has got to be one of Didier Deschamps fundamental values and it guides many of the choses he makes as a coach/leader. Trust that his players will get on with others. Trust that they'll put the collective above themselves.

Pro Leadership Tip: If you want your team to trust you, you've got to trust them. It's a two-way street.  In the recruiting process selecting people celebrated for their humanity, generosity, collaboration and grit is fundamental. That means that you may have to reject a few rock stars.  
Pro Leadership Action: Is there anyone on your team right now who you wouldn’t let babysit your kids? If so, ask yourself why. What does that say about you? What does that say about them?

2. Collectivity

While there are some big personalities on Deschamps' team (Pogba, Griezmann, Mathuidi), they know if they want to kiss the coupe, they've got to work as a group. Team unity. It’s everything.  Didier Deschamps learned that from his mentor and former coach, Aimé Jacquemart. “They both learned that a team, a group, is not a simple assemblage of talents, to preserve it you sometimes need to deprive yourself of certain individual qualities, the importance being to create a global balance,” wrote Bixente Lizarazu in L’Equipe while speaking about Jacquet and Deschamps's leadership styles. This balance is clear on the field, in the press interviews on the snapchat videos: this team is more than a group. It’s a family. Kudos to Deschamps for creating that unity, that maturity and sense of sacrifice with half of his players barely out of their teens. 

Pro Leadership Tip: The whole is greater that the sum of its parts. If your team isn’t working together, it’s not going very far. What you celebrate most is what your team will strive for most. If you celebrate individual contribution, that’s what you’ll get. If you celebrate collaboration, humility, and service, that’s what you’ll get. 

Pro Leadership Action: What training, rewards or programs do you have in place that celebrate team collaboration and unity over individual success? What can you strengthen or build?

3. Experience

Deschamps was the captain of the World Cup champion French team in 1998. There’s no doubt that he used his personal experience from that incredible journey to shape his team today. Tapping into the past. Reframing present goals using past personal stories and anecdotes can be a huge asset for any leader. The French team had the advantage of working with a coach who walked in their shoes twenty years later. Deschamps was able to motivate them by sharing their points of views and teaching them how to access the focus, calm and confidence to help them stay on target. 

Pro Leadership Tip: Your team will love whatever experience you can share with them that connects with their challenges today. Whether or not you lived through the exact same scenario, you have stories from your past that parallels theirs. 

Pro Leadership Action: What stories or experiences can you share with your team today that shows that you are as human, vulnerable and resourceful as they are?

4. Humility

No two challengers, or challenges, are the same. There are always nuances to each new situation. Having a playbook is great, but trusting it to work in every context is foolish. One of the keys to Deschamps's success was humility. The humility to trust that you don’t have all of the answers. The humility to question your own beliefs. The humility to search for better answers. The humility to turn to others for guidance at the right time. Deschamps had a team of analysts and strategists who painstakingly reviewed the performances of his upcoming rivals and he adapted his playbook each time to match his new opponent. That is humility-lead agile leadership at its best. 

Pro Leadership Tip: Don’t trust your playbook to always play nice. You’ve got to stay humble and curious and adapt your strategy all of the time to suit the context. Focus on the big picture but think of each step along the way as a separate match that warrants its own research and development. 

Pro Leadership Question: Imagine eating a big humble pie right now. What aspects of your most important strategy could benefit from a fresh set of eyes?

5. Play

The day before the final match the press marveled over how much fun the French team was having during practice, playing around like puppies in a pack. Deschamps was able to create an environment where the team could let loose, have fun, enjoy themselves, without giving up an ounce of their determination. “We get along so well. We laugh all of the time, all of the time we’ve spent together has been fabulous. It’s a one in a lifetime experience, with an exceptional group,” shared Samuel Umtiti to reporters the day before the final. 

Pro Leadership Tip: No matter what your business, play is the key to learning and growth. And I’m not just talking about babyfoot tables in your open space. It’s got to go deeper than that. Developing practices, like team building workshops, design thinking, etc, to get your team to connect with their child’s mind and each other is essential for learning, connectivity and growth.

Pro Leadership Question: How are the people on your team encouraged to connect, play and and collaborate? How are you as a leader showing them constructives ways to play?

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Ok, I hoped you enjoyed this leadership round-up. I'd love to hear from you below with any comments or questions. And if you want to take the conversation further, click below to find out more about my individual and group coaching services. I'd be thrilled to work with you to get your team to champion of the world status!