Clarity through charity

Charities and not-for-profit associations haven’t really been my thing. 

I was reminded of that rude reality two years ago while being interviewed for my naturalization papers in France. 

When asked if I volunteered with any associations, I stunned myself with how quickly I blurted out “No!”

Back in High School I was a much better person. I took the bus down with friends to Washington D.C to march in defense of animal rights. And spent months going into Manhattan with my BFF Helen to get people to sign up and donate to the AIDS walk we did together. 

But as an adult, aside from some sporadic GoFundMe or Doctors Without Borders donations, my charitable acts have been pretty slim. 

Lack of time, lack of motivation, call it what you want, but I never really found the energy or mission. 

While I was getting my coaching certification, though, I did a lot of thinking about why I chose this path and who I ultimately wanted to serve. I knew I wanted to coach women. Women who were looking to bring more meaning to their work. 

But how could I bring more meaning to my work? 

I started researching organizations that were doing great stuff for communities I cared about, and then challenged myself to take one concrete step towards contributing to that cause. 

That’s what lead me to apply to become a volunteer mentor with Led By Her. 

Founded five years ago by Chiara Condi, Led by Her is an association that helps women victims of violence rebuild their lives, and their identities, through entrepreneurialism. 

I waited six months to find out if I’d made the cut. And when I got the news this Fall that I was selected to join the mentorship community I was thrilled and totally honored! 
 

Meeting Chiara, the Led By Her volunteer community, the students in this year’s program and my fabulous mentoree has stirred something inside of me that I’ve neglected for so long.


The fabulous feeling of being part of a cause that you care about deeply. 

Many of my clients come to me because they feel out of synch with their careers, like their values are heading in one way and their reality is veering in the opposite direction. 

As each day goes by they feel like they’re drifting farther and farther away from the person they want to be and the person they are expected to be professionally. 

As those poles moves gradually in opposite directions, the feel like they’re literally going to snap. But they have no idea how to bridge that gap and bring those two worlds into alignement.

One way to crack that conundrum is to give your brain a break and feel your way to some answers.

If this resonates with you a super easy way to start is by asking yourself: 

“To make a positive impact on others through my work, I’d love to…”

Your answers might surprise you. And be easier than you think. 

Whether it’s a small internal shift within your current role. Sharing your time and expertise with a charity. Or infusing more meaning into the business you already run. 

Your answers might lead you to some additional questions that help shed light on what you’re next move could be.

Give it a try and let me know what you discover. 

You Should Be Talking Business With Your Besties

So it turns out that Edith Wharton didn’t care much for her female peers.

In the copy of Old New York that I borrowed from my mom, the author of the introduction, Marilyn French, says that Wharton was “stubbornly disinterested” in the successful female writers of her era. A dismissive attitude French calls “horizontal hostility.”

The term “horizontal hostility” was coined in the 1970s by lawyer/activist/feminist Florynce Kennedy to describe destructive power dynamics between women. Be it shaming, attacking, belittling or flat out denying each other’s potential and talent. 

Women have come a long way since.  

Within the last few years there’s been a boom in the number of groups and businesses created by women to support women, such as: 
 

• Networking groups like PWN and ChIPS
• Entrepreneurial associations like Led By Her and The World Association of Women Entrepreneurs
• Co-working/social clubs like The Wing and CoWomen
• Recruiting agencies like The Mom Project and Mothers & Careers
• Funding platforms like Backstage Capital and iFundWomen
• Election groups like Get Her Elected and Emily's List

But are women really all holding hands, singing "Kumbaya" and hoisting each other up to the higher echelons of the ladder? 

Let’s be honest, we’ve still got a long way to go. 

One way we can accelerate things is by taking a good, hard look at our personal beliefs and habits, especially when it comes to the women we care about and know the most: our girlfriends. 

And here's why. 


In a recent article in Forbes, author Mallun Yen, ChIPs co-founder and CEO, explains that: “Women’s friendships tend to become deeply personal and intimate very quickly. Trying to make the leap directly from intense personal relationships to business can feel abrupt and awkward to both sides. So the very thing about female friendships that is deservedly celebrated may also be holding us back from generating vital business with each other."

 

When girlfriends get together they tend to hold back sharing professional help, contacts and advice because it feels weirdly disingenuous, like a shady transaction out of a "Breaking Bad" episode. 


“Doing deals with your buddies is a time-honored way to build your book of business," continues Yen. "But women tend to struggle when it comes to mixing money and friendship, cutting themselves off from one of the most effective tactics in the constant struggle to get ahead. "


"So why is it that we’re so hesitant to do deals with our friends—the very people we know have our backs?” asks Yen.

That's a damn good question don't you think?

What prevents us from sitting down with a bestie over a bottle of rosé to swap stories about marriage squabbles and potty-training disasters, and then fifteen minutes later whip open our iPhones to make an invaluable introduction to advance each other's careers? 

 

If it’s just the antiquated belief that we can’t mix business with pleasure because we care so much about the authenticity of our friendship, then maybe we need to redefine the concept of friendship. 

So, the next time you meet with a close friend for lunch or drinks or coffee, test out some non-icky tools and techniques to kick each other's professional goals into high gear. 

And then use them on interesting women you encounter at events.

At work.

At dinner parties. 

Why not make that one of your micro-actions for the month?