Client Profile: Emilie Ghidalia goes from bookkeeper to biographer

“Have your clients really been able to shift gears and do something totally different with their lives? 

I frequently get asked this question during my discovery calls with potential clients and I absolutely love it because it oozes with equal parts fear, excitement and envy. 

“Oh, sweetie,” I think to myself, “Where do I begin?”

Should I talk about the fashion editor who became a fitness instructor? 

The global talent agency exec who became a wellness entrepreneur?

The marketing director who launched a sustainable retail communications agency?

The urban architect who became a weaver?

Or the civil servant who became a psychic healer?

Not all of my clients go all Lightning McQueen on me, slamming the brakes on their current career to twist the wheel in a completely different direction. 

But many of them do. And just for the record when they do veer it’s always a gradual transformation, never like waking up in the skin one morning of a completely different person.

There’s something about those transformation stories that’s miraculous and mesmerizing. Which is why I want to share the story of Emilie Ghidalia. 

Emilie came into my office several years ago excited to start coaching but was up front with me about her doubts. Deep down she was convinced that she was doomed to continue working as an accountant because she had no ideas about anything else she could do. Period. Nothing up there. No creativity. She was a worrier, a planner, not a dreamer.

In the rare moments when a baby idea did pop into her brain, a little pesky voice would snap to attention and leap 72 steps into the future. Telling her all of the reasons why her idea was disastrous, dangerous, risky. (She later named the voice N72, and drew him as a miniature concierge in a three-piece-suit and bow-tie). 

During our process examining and loosening the grip on those limiting beliefs and her relationship with N72, Emile waltzed into my office one day and announced that she had an idea and she knew it was the right one. 

She wanted to become a family biographer.

She has always loved to write, was fascinated by people’s stories and felt that everyone had the right to have their story told. 

So, in honor of sharing stories, please read this special interview with Emilie (en français) about her fascinating professional shift and her faithful (but less troublesome) side-kick N72.  

Interview with Emilie Ghidalia

Qu’est ce que tu fais comme métier et depuis combien de temps?

Aujourd’hui j’exerce deux professions. Mon « ancien » métier, Responsable Administratif et Financier dans une PME, mais que j’ai pimpé et mon nouveau métier. Je continue d’exercer cette profession, car actuellement c’est ce qui me permet de payer mon loyer, mais en free lance (vive la liberté !). En parallèle, depuis un peu plus d’un an, j’exerce le métier de biographe familiale. J’espère pouvoir basculer à temps plein vers ce travail d’écriture mais, pour le moment, cette double casquette me convient assez bien.

C’est quoi exactement une biographe familiale? 

Mon travail de biographe familiale consiste à recueillir la parole d’inconnus qui souhaitent laisser une trace de leur histoire. Pour eux-même. Pour leur famille. Parfois pour le public. Ensemble, nous co-écrivons l’histoire de leur vie.

C'est un virage assez radical de ton activité avant de commencer ton coaching? Quelles étapes clés t’ont amené vers ta nouvelle activité?

Le coaching tout entier a été l’étape clé ! Plus précisément, dans le coaching, ce qui m’a « débloquée » a été d’apprendre à croire qu’il y avait une solution (je pensais sincèrement que j’étais un cas désespéré, qu'il fallait que je me résigne à passer ma vie à exercer un métier qui ne me convenait plus) en laissant (autant que faire se peut) mes angoisses de côté, définir clairement les contours de mon métier « rêvé » en le dissociant de mon métier "fantasmé"  et comprendre qu’elles étaient mes compétences. J’avais une image différente de ce que je valais et de ce dont j’étais capable. 

Avant de commencer ton coaching est ce que tu connaissais déjà le métier du biographe? 

Je me suis rappelée après coup en avoir vaguement entendu parlé lors d’un micro reportage au JT, des années auparavant. L’info avait du rester dans un coin de ma tête.

Concrètement, comment cela se passes-t-il un projet de biographie? Quel est une journée type?

Le matin de préférence, je suis en entretien avec mes clients.tes. Les entretiens durent environ une heure, durant laquelle ils.elles me racontent un épisode de leur vie. Nous ajustons le texte au fur et à mesure aussi ce temps en face à face est complètement dédié à la parole.  Il est, je trouve, essentiel pour créer le lien avec celui.celle qui se confie. Ces moments sont toujours très intimes et touchants. On rit souvent et, à chaque fois, on peut sentir l’émotion du souvenir.  Ensuite, de retour chez moi, je mets en mots l’histoire que l’on vient de me confier. J’essaie d’être la plus fidèle possible au ton du narrateur, à son vocabulaire, à l’intention qu’il.elle met dans ce projet. Et j'ajoute ma patte. Quand le texte est, à mon sens, fini et avant la séance suivante, je l’envoie à mon.ma client.e afin qu’il soit relu et qu’on puisse y apporter les modifications nécessaires.

Si quelqu'un souhaite travailler avec toi sur son projet de biographie c’est quoi le budget et la durée ?

Le processus est assez simple. Je facture au temps réellement passé, 60 euros de l'heure, que ce soit le temps passé en entretien ou le temps passé en écriture, relecture, recherche, etc. Pour une heure d'entretien, il faut compter environ 2 à 3 heures d'écriture, en fonction de la quantité d'informations transmises pendant l'entretien. Ensuite le nombre d'entretiens varie en fonction de l'histoire à raconter mais je dirais qu'il faut environ une dizaine d'entretiens au total. Concernant la rédaction de contenus pour les marques, bien sûr c'est assez différent. Le tarif horaire est le même mais le volume change fortement. Je suis toujours ravie d'être contactée pour de nouveaux projets !

Qui sont tes clients.tes?

Mes clients.es ont finalement des profils assez différents. Je travaille bien sûr avec des personnes âgées qui veulent laisser une trace de leur histoire pour leurs enfants et leur petits enfants. Parfois, ce sont les enfants que me contactent, désireux de conserver l’histoire de leur parent. Je travaille également avec des personnes plus jeunes qui ont vécu un événement marquant dans leur vie et qui souhaite le poser sur papier. Pour elles-mêmes ou dans l’optique d’une publication. Enfin, je collabore parfois avec des entreprises que j’aide dans la rédaction de contenus relatifs à l’histoire de leur marque ou de leurs créations, pour leurs sites web notamment. 

Comment la vie d’une biographe est différente de ce que tu avais imaginé en commençant ton activité? 

Je pensais travailler exclusivement avec des personnes âgées. J’ai été très surprise d’être souvent contactée par des gens de mon âge. Egalement, j’avais complètement occulté la possibilité de travailler avec des entreprises.

Au début du coaching tu pensais que tu n'étais pas assez créative pour envisager un métier qui te faisait vibrer. Comment cette pensée a évolué depuis?

Je pense toujours manquer de créativité mais je laisse d’avantage de chance à mes idées avant de considérer qu’elles sont toutes nulles. Parfois même, je les trouve plutôt bonnes.

Quels sont tes plus grands objectifs pour la suite?

Mon objectif principal est de basculer à temps plein vers l’écriture, réussir à faire publier le beau projet de roman sur lequel je travaille avec une cliente et puis, peut-être qu’ensuite je me sentirai capable d’écrire pour moi-même.

De quoi as tu besoin pour avancer?

Un peu plus de clients et un peu plus de courage, pour basculer totalement vers le métier d’écriture, je ne sais pas dans quel ordre…

Tu as terminé ton coaching il y a déjà plus d'un ans. Avec du recul et du temps, qu'est ce que tu te retiens le plus maintenant de ton expérience?

Ce coaching a littéralement changé ma vie. Ce que j’en retiens c’est d’oser croire que les choses sont possibles et se faire accompagner lorsqu’on ne trouve pas la solution par soi-même.

Bonus question: comment va N72?

Hahahaha ! N72 va très bien. Maintenant qu’il n’est plus mon ennemi mais un allié dont je connais les défauts et les qualités, nous cohabitons assez bien (la plupart du temps). Finalement, ce coaching a aussi été une vraie thérapie de couple entre mon angoisse et moi-même :)

Pour contacter Emilie pour un projet de biographie visitez son site: https://emilieghidalia.com/

Et pour trouver le métier de votre rêve contacter moi ici:

Do you know your secret super powers?

The little town in the south of France where my mother-in-law lives has this amazing tennis club with five outdoor courts surrounded by mountains. 
 

And each summer the town rents the Turon, an old stone barn that’s been converted into a rustic court-side café, to a man named Terry.

Locals as wells as vacanciers like us swing by the Turon to have lunch, grab a drink, catch up on local gossip, and watch the action on the courts. 

But to be honest, the real reason we all regularly visit the Turon is Terry. 

Terry is the glue that makes the community stick. The grease that makes his famous home-cut fries crisp. 

Terry knows everyone. He knows what they do for a living, where they live, what they drink, the way they like their steak cooked, what music they listen to, who they’re dating, married to, living with, divorced from, etc. 

In coaching speak, Terry’s “super power” is knowing people, also referred to as shmoozing in New York speak. 

It’s not his job, but it’s what comes to him without effort and what he does better than anyone else. 

People rarely know what their super powers are. And even when they do, they can’t understand what makes them so special and valuable because they do it as naturally and easily as breathing.

But one evening this August I saw something I’ll never, ever forget: I saw Terry’s super power save someone’s life. 

Minutes after a visiting player in the local tennis tournament finished a match, he sank into the couch in Terry’s Turon, slumped over, lost consciousness and stopped breathing. 

Luckily, one of the other players milling about moved him onto the ground, ripped off his shirt and starting giving him CPR.


I saw Terry outside pacing, his eyes in a panic and his face pale as a sheet. 

All then he suddenly broke into a sprint, running across all five tennis courts to the farthest end of the field. “Where the hell is he going?” I wondered. 

Seconds later a women came running out of nowhere. 

Anaïs, I later found out, was the new doctor in town. She rarely came to the Turon but her husband was playing mine that evening and she decided to take their two-year-old daughter out to the courts to watch them play. 

As soon as she arrived on the scene Anaïs took over the CPR, ordered for the defibrillator and briefed the pompiers who quickly arrived. 

Each of her moves had the ferocity and focus of a wild animal on the hunt. She was fast and instinctive. And when the man started breathing again, she let out a dramatic victorious sigh that rippled through the air. 

While Anaïs saved the man’s life in an absolutely stunning way, the subtle hero of this story is Terry’s natural genius. 

Had Terry not known that Anaïs was a doctor and that she was randomly on the courts that day, this story would have ended tragically. Terry’s superior schmoozing saved someone’s life. 

What a powerful reminder of how unexpectedly valuable your natural genius can be, and how the human chain of knowledge and action can produce miracles. 

Sending you lots of love today.

PS. I highly recommend taking a first responder’s course if you haven’t already. I found it to be incredibly empowering because it demystifies worst case scenarios and gives you some actual tools and protocols to follow if danger strikes. Here’s where I took mine: https://www.protectioncivile.org/

PPS. Do you know what your super powers are and how to make sure you’re taking advantage of them daily? If not book a discovery call with me so we can discuss.

Next steps forward

I usually use this blog to share the learnings and discoveries that my clients make along their self-realization journeys. 

But the last month I’ve been quiet. 

The outrage and pain of the Black Lives Matter protests in response to the unjust, gruesome murders of Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, as well as countless Black lives before and after them, has been an awakening for me. 

Over the last several weeks I’ve been reading, listening and learning a lot about what I didn’t know, I didn’t know. 

I’ve always seen myself as a well-informed progressive who does the right thing. But the Black Lives Matter movement has been heart-wrenching and eye-opening to me. There is so much more I can do to educate myself and show up as an ally against racism and discrimination both personally and professionally. 

I don’t have any or all of the answers, but all I know is that centuries of racist policies and practices will not reverse themselves without everyone doing some heavy lifting, especially white privileged women like me.

So that’s why I’m sharing this special newsletter with you today. I want you to know where my heart is right now. And why I plan to continue to learn, support and fight for the BIPOC community. 

The process is going to be uncomfortable, messy and multifold, but I’m committed to doing the work. 

These are some of the steps I’m taking now:

• Absorbing the sickening stories of systemic racism that I’ve shied away from because I just didn’t think I could handle it. I’m watching and listening now with all of my senses on high to series like 13th, When They See Us, and I Am Not Your Negro. 

• Reading Dr. Ibram X. Kendi’s books (in the middle of How To Be An Antiracist and it’s mind blowing. He also has a board book called Antiracist Baby and a book adapted for teens called Stamped, so everyone in the family’s covered!). 

• Responding to the global awareness initiatives of Black Lives Matter.

• Following a wide range of Black women activists, artists, writers and educators, such as Tarana J Burke, Austin Channing Brown, Rachel Cargle, Mikki Kendall, and my new favorite essayist, Loré Yessuff. 

• Donating to the following organizations: Color of Change, an amazing collective that creates awareness campaigns to end injustice; Loveland Therapy Fund a non-profit that provides financial assistance to Black women and girls seeking therapy and The Boston University Center for Anti-Racist Research.

• And of course voting in the next US election to get our fascist-in-chief out of office!

Thanks so much for being here.. 

Much love to you,

Zeva

Creating balance in chaos

Our whole division of remote employees was obsessed with it. Every team-building seminar I attended for the seven years at Yelp had a workshop about it.

Work-life balance was touted as the holy grail of professional and personal development. 

How do you stay in shape when you don’t have to commute? Why should you shower and get dressed when no one will see you all day? Why should you do one thing for yourself before checking your phone in the morning?

When I think of work-life balance I can’t help land on that clip from a few years back of BBC correspondent (aka BBC dad) giving this very serious live report about Korean politics when all of the sudden his two young children bombard his space (which we realize is actually a bedroom, and not an office) before his wife runs in with her pants falling down to round up the kids and escape the scene. 

If you haven’t seen the clip do so immediately for a little bit of comic relief.

The reporter worried he’d lose his job because his neat and in-control professional identity cracked open and unraveled in front of the entire world.

But the clip went viral and everyone fell in love with them

Why? 

I think it’s because it revealed a truth that we secretly pretended not to know: trying to divide your life into two separate silos, one personal and one professional, is an impossible feat. 

You are one individual. There is no work-life and life-life. It is all one life. 

If I’ve learned anything during confinement it’s that the work-life holy grail doesn’t exist. It’s bogus, a set-up, a fantasy likely invented by some Silicon Valley execs. 

Once you accept the fact that your two worlds are actually one, you can come up with some creative ways to create structure—a new structure— where there’s fluidity and flow between the two. 

First, instead of asking how you can balance your work and life right now, you can ask yourself what do I need to feel more balanced right now?

How can I be more me in each world? 

How can I bring more harmony to my days? 

So, how can you do that? Click over here for some tips for creating structure amidst chaos while using your own sense of serenity and balance as your guide. 

Tip 1: Identify Your Non Negotiables

Meals will need to be prepared. 

Naps will need to be had. 

Zumba zoom classes will need to be danced to. 

Children’s homework will need to be done. 

What are the current non-negotiables in your confinement life? And when do they take place? Put those in your calendar, make peace with them, and see where the holes are in your schedule. Don’t overcommit and overextend. Stick to one thing at a time.  The worst feeling you can have is feeling guilty for not being somewhere else. Be present where you are, with whom you’re with, and with what you’re doing. When it’s homework time with kids, be there and really try to get into it. I know in my case I’m learning a ton these days about the Renaissance and how to conjugate in French in the future tense. 

Tip 2: Rethink the Week

One of the stranger things about confinement living is how blurred the days are. Wednesdays feel like Sundays. Mondays like Fridays. And forget about the months. But use that blurriness to your advantage and rethink your week. Maybe Saturday morning is the best place to do contemplative work? And Sunday turns out to be prime time for responding to emails. In a post-work-life-balance reality you choose what time or day is most relevant and realistic for getting done what you need to get done. 

Tip 3: Repurpose Your Pad

Very few people have their homes set up for extended remote working (which is not at all the same as confinement, because remote working you can leave your house, work from a café or park) So you’ll need to get as comfortable with what you’ve got. Try to think of your space as a co-working arena with pods designated for different activities. Each space has a special function during the day, and then it returns to “normal” as much as possible when the work day is done. Make sure that everyone understands what is going on within that space and when. For example, my therapist friend does her Zoom sessions from her bathroom, a client has turned her bed into her office so that her kid can her 19th-month-old plays in the living room with her husband. Whatever space works best for you, make it as comfortable as you can. Put a pillow below your butt, light a candle, lay out some photos, whatever works for you.  

Tip 4: Over Communicate and be specific about your needs 

Now is the time to delegate and include your family as much as you can. You and your partner will need to coordinate schedules so that you can each get the amount of work done that you need to, your older kids will have to step up to the plate with the smaller ones. If you have small kids, let them know what’s going on, when you need to be alone, preempt their needs and of course, be kind to yourself, and to them if you get interrupted, as you most definitely will.

Conclusion

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all formula for creating work-life balance in confinement, or at any other time to be honest. That balance comes from within you, and is more of a personal feeling than anything else. If you feel balanced, then you are. Working with your limitations is the first step towards creating that inner peace. You need to adjust and adapt to your new reality, set aside time for the non-negotiables, be present with one task at a time, repurpose the days of the week, reimagine your pad into pods and over communicate your needs with the people you live and work with.

PS. Need help deciphering the wild emotions and thoughts that have come up during confinement? I’ve got you covered! Head over here to download my free worksheet “ Reinvent Your New Normal.” (Available in French or in English)

Breathing off the ledge

In March (aka pre-Coronavirus times) when kids went to school and we walked sidewalks freely, I picked up my youngest at school, saw his droopy eyes, and knew immediately he wasn’t well. 

“Mama, je suis malade,” he said. 

I pressed my hands to his warm forehand and a wave of terror washed over me. "Could it be the virus?"

Later that evening he woke up crying, the fever had gone up. We gave hime a Doliprane, and let him crawl into our bed.


My husband and I debated whether we should called 15, the emergency number here to report potential coronavirus cases. 

We decided to do it. While my husband waited on the phone, I got under the covers next to my son, watching his face as he breathed heavily. 

Five minutes went by, then eight minutes, eleven minutes…

All of the sudden, I noticed that my body was starting to shake all over, my jaw was chattering and my teeth clanking loudly. 

My husband looked at me, puzzled, what was going on?

“I don’t know, I can’t stop shivering," I said. "What if I’m sick too, what if we’re all getting sick?”

That thought. That thought. That evil, terrifying  thought. 

Despite the growing panic in my body, I felt deep down that the doomsday thoughts in my head were likely causing all of the shivering. 

So I closed my eyes, put my hands over my chest and took several long, deep breaths while we waited in silence for the operator to answer the call.

In the dead silence of the room my focus was on each and every breath, the rising and falling of my chest, the warmth and softness of my body under my hands.  By the time the operator answered (after a 20 minute wait!) my body was relaxed, my jaw had stopped chattering and I was back to my usual self. 

My husband described my son’s symptoms and the doctor on the line reassured him that it was likely a bad cold that would turn around in 24 hours. 

You can imagine the relief we both felt. 

Since that evening, things around the world have become more and more surreal and scary, but that moment where I was able to breath my way off the ledge of fear has become my anchor. 

I knew that breath work and meditation were important for relieving stress and settling the mind. I’ve dabbled in meditation occasionally. I’ve done several months of daily mediation in the past. And I suggest to all of my clients that they start a mediation practice if they don't have one already. 

But I am practicing what I preach now more than every because I can see first hand how my sanity, strength and serenity depends on it.

There are millions of things you can be doing right now to help you stay well during this surreal time. 

I’m not here to preach to you, friend, I don’t want to add to the pressure out there to "succeed at quarantining.”  

But I'm going to preach to you anyway: if you’re not mediating daily, now may be the best time to give it a try.  Even 10 minutes a day. Just a moment to connect to your breath, and try to free up some space in your brain. 

There are loads of places to do that now, and for free, here are some of my favorites:

Instagram Live:
Lili Barbery does a 50 minute daily mediation at 18h CET that’s great for the whole family. (French)
Sylvie Chayette does a very soothing meditation morning mediation at 8h30 CET. (French)  
 

Online Communities:
My absolute favorite home yoga instructor, Yoga with Adriene, has a fabulous collection of mediations. 
The fantastic wellness community, Commune, has created a free 21-day Yoga and Mediation Studio.
 

Live Streaming:
Mindfulness expert and all around soothing sage, Tara Brach, is doing live streams of her weekly meditations and even has a half-day mediation retreat guide that you can follow to create your own immersive mediation studio:

It goes without saying that I'm here for you and am sending you lots of love and healthy vibes right now. 

Big hugs to you. 

Zeva

PS. There's no right or wrong way to do this quarantine thing. Listen to your gut, take care of yourself, do what feels right and be kind to yourself. For me, that includes meditating, baking, dancing, reading cookbooks and trying not to control what I can't control. 

PPS. If you want to chat, I've got some discovery slots open. 

PPPS. I’ve created a free worksheet called Reinvent Your New Normal that helps you makes sense of all of the thoughts and feelings that have come up during confinement . You can get it sent to your inbox by clicking here.

Reinvent your new normal

The men were chanting and swaying together while the women locked arms in a festive traditional dance. 


In the middle of the elaborate wedding scene in the fabulous new Netflix mini-series Unorthodox, I lost track of the story. All I could see were human bodies. 

Healthy living bodies. 

Lots of them in the same room.

Celebrating together. 

Moving together. 

Sweating together. 

Breathing in the same air. 

My eyes welled up with this thought: “When will people be able to get together like this again?”

As the initial stress and adrenaline of the first weeks of confinement subside, something else is happening: collective grief is giving way to aching acceptance a renewed sense of meaning. (this article explains the process brilliantly).

As a new reality sets in we’re learning to define and appreciate what matters most to us. 

When you peel back the layers of life as we’ve all been forced to do these last two weeks, suddenly you see with sharp clarity what counts most:

• My friend told me through tears the other day that she realizes how much she loves her life and how scary it is to think it could be taken from her.

• One client told me that she’s no longer willing to suffer at her job and is finally ready to leave it after15 years.

• And my son shocked us the other night at dinner claiming to love school because “each day feels different.” 

This period, while surreal and scary as hell, is also like a vinaigrette that’s been made hours before the guests arrive— the oil and acid have pulled away from each other into distinctly visible parts. 

So I have an idea for you, friend, what if instead of trying to quickly whip that vinaigrette up into a frothy homogenous dressing, you let it sit and separate some more to see what those parts look like? 

I’ve created new exercise called Reinvent Your New Normal that helps you do just that—see what matters most to you so that you can invent alternative ways to nurture those things (even in confinement) and roll into the post-confinement world with a clearer vision, and stronger tools, for moving forward with meaning.

Click here to get the free exercise sent to your inbox.

Be sure to email me (zeva@zevabellel.com) after you've completed the exercise so that I can give you some feedback and help you along your way. 

I hope that you and your loved ones are safe and in good heath. 

Trying to get a grip on this new reality of ours? I've got you covered with my brand new worksheet Reinvent Your New Normal. You can get the free worksheet  sent to you by clicking here. Feel free to share this post. It could be a great exercise to do with friends and loved ones in order to feel close and connected even at a  distance.

Client Profile: Clara Moley rewrites Les Règles du Jeu

When I sit down with a client we never really know where our journey is going to take us.  We define the direction and ideal outcome, strap on our seat belts, and go. Months later, our final destination is always infinitely more interesting than anything we imagined before we set out.

It's like packing the car and heading out on a road trip for the beach in Marseille, and then finding yourself on the shores of your own private island, dressed in a fabulous sarong, surrounded by your best mates in a house that's stocked with your favorite foods. 

Which is why I totally love the story of my former client and newly published author, Clara Moley.

Clara worked as a raw materials trader in Brazil for many years. During her time there, she realized that the rules of the game for getting ahead as a woman in a very male industry were heavily stacked against her. And when she tried in vain to get the support and clarity she needed from her entourage or other women in similar situations, she realized that she'd have to invent her own rules. 

Clara nurtured that idea and let it guide her into a personal and professional passion.

Even though she didn't really know where the idea would take her, she let it grow— first into a podcast series and then into Les Règles du Jeu, a riveting memoir and brilliant playbook that just hit the French bookshelves this week.

Clara's journey was filled with doubt and fear.

Exposing your ideas and your story always is,  dear friend.  But it's how you move forward despite the fear that counts the most, how you take control of your destiny by believing that what you have to say far outweighs the risk of exposing yourself to judgement or critique. 

I'm so insanely proud of Clara for conquering her fears and delivering this gorgeous and powerful book to the world.

Please enjoy this interview with her and go buy her book, which you can find in bookstores in France (en français).

Q&A with Clara Moley, author of Les Règles du Jeu: 

1. The message behind your book is very clear: school and work have completely different rules. Being a good student isn't enough in the professional world and effort isn't naturally rewarded. Especially as women, we need to rewrite the rules of the game to get what we want professionally. What experience first sealed that idea for you?
I was asked to deliver a super complicated analysis about market price evolution within a week. I worked full time on it for a whole week, did extra hours to get it right and was pretty satisfied with the results. I was supposed to deliver the results during a Monday morning meeting the following week. The day comes, the meeting goes by the usual way. I see the clock running and no sign from my boss that it's my turn to speak about the analysis. At some point he looks at the clock and goes "OK markets are about to open let's go!" I raised my hand and said, "What about the analysis?" He said there was no time and we'd just get to it the following week. I was SO mad and frustrated when I came back to my desk that I opened an email, put all the conclusions of the analysis in it, graphs, etc and sent it to ALL the traders of the company. Worldwide. About 50 people. THAT moment, that email changed everything for me because for the first time I did something I wasn't told to do. For the first time I took the initiative to do the right thing for me, without being asked or authorized, to promote my work just because I felt it was worth it. What can I do that I wasn't asked to do? That's when my mindset changed. 

2. How did you feel when you realized that you needed a new set of rules to get to where you wanted to be? 
Empowered! The moment I understood that I wasn't the problem, I just had the problem wrong, a new horizon of possibilities opened for me. I felt in charge, meaning that I was responsible for my own path. It was a big change from the passive nature of the school environment. I felt empowered because I realized how of much of the path was actually in my hands. I just needed to explore all of my options. 

3. It's one thing to come up with your own system for navigating the world, but what made you believe that others needed to hear what you knew? What belief took you to the next step of developing your ideas?
The very first step was talking with my girlfriends and realizing we were all going through similar challenges and looking for answers. Working in an all male environment certainly helped me to formulate those answers a bit more quickly. The second step was realizing that amongst everything I had read, watched, and heard about women at work, that none of that content was actually helpful in my everyday life. It was informative and inspirational, but it didn't help me transform my day-to-day struggles. This is what made me believe that there was something missing and that what I had learned in my experience could be helpful to others. I wrote what I wished I had found when I started! 

4. Your book began as a podcast series and you were able to speak directly with the listeners who followed you. What surprised you most about the reactions you got from your audience? 
I was really touched by the reactions I received because many people told me the podcast was useful. That it actually helped them navigate better, understand their environment better and know what to do when they were facing challenges. This was huge for me! It was really important that Les Règles du Jeu was not only a conversation about women at work but something that could actually make a difference. I felt really touched. 

5. When did you realize that there was more to be done with the material and that a book was a way for you to go even further and reach even more women?
For me, Les Règles du Jeu has always been the tip of the iceberg. A very concrete, "actionable" toolbox for everyday life at work. But the reasoning that led me there is much broader and I felt the content needed to be developed. More experience sharing, more anecdotes, more concrete advice for the everyday life, but also more perspective and a full reasoning that helps women adopt the right mindset at work, and an actual method to be able to act and take advantage of every situation at work.  

6. You had to overcome a lot of your own personal doubts and insecurities to get your voice and your ideas into the world. What helped you move ahead despite those fears?
The feeling to be useful and that my experience could help others get the most of their professional situations.  

7. What did you enjoy most about writing this book? What discoveries did you make about yourself and about your subject matter along the way? 
I love writing! But writing a book is so difficult! At first I thought it was like writing a very long essay. It is nothing like it! It takes so much discipline and faith in what you do. I learned how determined I was to bring that content out and how much effort I was ready to put in it. The more I dove in the subject, the more complex it felt, but also the clearer the message of the book became: start with "how." The question of equality in the workplace cannot be globally solved in a day. The causes are too complex and the inertia of a society, a company, a group is too big to see it happen quickly. However it is an urgent matter! Because our careers are happening now, today. So in order to see an actual change at our individual level in the short term, we need to forget the "whys" a little and focus on the "hows:" how can I get the most out of this situation? How can I promote my work better? How can I get more money? etc. And the book answers those "hows." 

8. Of all of the rules, which ones resonate the most for you? 
You cannot please everyone! 

9. Which rules continue to guide you and inspire you to move forward with your projects?
Les plats ne repassent pas. Seize the day!

10. What's the ONE THING that you hope people feel by reading your book? 
Legitimate to give everything they have to reach their goals, and empowered to do so.  

Are you wildly growing or overly-designing your professional path?

My biggest adolescent annoyance was my mom’s unshakable trust in me. 

While my friends were pushed into engineering programs or into schools where their siblings went, my mom would say “Why should I tell you what to do when you always make great decisions on your own?”

Arggh!!! That drove me nuts! I wanted someone to GIVE ME THE ANSWER. To become a doctor or lawyer or dancer or writer or whatever. Just tell me!

The most advice she would offer was: “Zeva, just be an interesting person.” 

I couldn’t help laughing about my mom’s wisdom while listening to the developmental psychologist Alison Gopnik recently on the podcast On Being. 

Gopnik explains how “parenting” became a verb in the 1970s, and how over time parents have become more and more hands-on, helicoptering over their kids, bulldozing problems out of the way in order to architect lives to match a preconceived model of perfection. (If you need proof, have a look at the 50 people charged in the college admissions bribery scandal)

She calls this type of parenting “carpentering” mode, and thinks it’s a terrible invention. 

By trying to eliminate all risks and failures and control the outcome like a carpenter, smoothing and sanding the sides of a bookshelf, we wind up raising dependent, terrified humans who are ill-equipped for the evolving challenges of the world

Gopnik advocates for a different parenting model: the “gardening” variety. Instead of focusing on creating the perfect person, you focus on creating a loving, nurturing space where experimentation and discovery can thrive so that a diverse and resilient ecosystem emerges. She explains:

“Love’s purpose is not to shape our beloved’s destiny, but to help them shape their own. It isn’t to show them the way, but to help them find a path for themselves, even if the path they take isn’t one we would choose ourselves, or even one we would choose for them."

This all made me think not only about my childhood and the wild gardening my mom did with me, but also how these models apply to the self-discovery work we do when trying to get clear on our next professional path. 

Do we measure and predict what's going to happen with a specific image of perfection in mind, or do we sow our seeds in a loving environment and see how they can grow in unpredictably beautiful ways?
 

Whether or not you have kids, you were a kid, so what was the environment like for you?

Were you raised like a carpenter’s child or a gardener’s child?

More importantly how are you growing your life today? 

Are you creating a nurturing space for experimentation, discovery and variety?  Or are you measuring, chiseling, and sanding your angles down to a precise science? 

Let me know what comes up!

PS. My mom still never tells me what to do, but now I like it that way.! 

PPS. In my upcoming group online coaching program I’m slathering on some sunscreen, getting out my rubber boots, and heading into to garden to plant a lot of self-discovery seeds to see which ones spark your path forward. If you’d like to learn more about it, book a call with me here:



Override the panic button

I was in bed with an elephant on my chest. It wasn't the first time I felt that kind of pain. It had been going on for a few days. Should I tell my husband about it? Or was it all in my head? 

My father-in-law had passed away a year prior from a sudden heart attack. He had had pain in his stomach for a few days that were the early signs that something was wrong. He didn't catch them fast enough. 

Was I doing the same? Was I having a silent heart attack?

I caved in and told my husband who calmly said it was probably nothing but that I should get it checked out. 

It was cold in my doctor's office. I kept my winter coat on in the waiting room as I scrolled mindlessly on my phone. 

It was early January 2018, and I had just tipped into the second and final year of my unemployment benefits. In one year I'd be 100% on my own. 

The date loomed in my mind. "Was I making the right decision to become a coach?" "Could I survive financially?" "Would I be any good at it?" 'Should I just go back to marketing?" "Should I answer some ads on LinkedIn?" "What if this is all a big waste of time and I lose these precious months of benefits to get a full time job?"

My doctor asked what was going on. I told him about the pain in my chest and that I was a bit stressed out because I had a tipped into the final year of unemployment while I transitioned to a new career and was spending my days in cafés drinking a million coffees while I built my coaching website. 

He examined me and then said, "You're not having a heart attack. Just stop drinking so much coffee and go back to your full-time job if you don't want the stress of owning your own business. It's hard." 

And that was that! 

I listened to just half of his advice. Can you guess which half, Zeva?

I was reminded of this story this week when a client had that deep, heavy feeling in her chest the day after she announced her new business to her contacts, and was debating whether to throw in the towel and go back to her old line of work.

I think she and I both experienced the "point of no return" panic button that our brains hit when they feel us tilting into a truly new territory. As you sink deeper and deeper in love with your new path, your brain starts freaking out like an old boyfriend trying to woo you back. 

"But wait, it wasn't all that bad, right?"
"You've had some time to relax and take a break, isn't it time just go back to what you know?"
"Play it safe."
"The unknown is scary and hard. Beware!"

All it takes is a sharp-witted doctor, a worried parent or a friend with a fab new promotion, to cue your brain to strum up its favorite fear-mongering phrases. 

I'm here to say: don't let your fears lead you off your path! Listen to them, welcome them, but explore what's really going on under the surface.

What do you really need right now? 

Very often you're just looking for a concrete sign that you are moving in the right direction, and need a friendly reminder to ease off the caffeine!